So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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