Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
