Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
