ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Mom said you looked used
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We need to get me chipped asap
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
