can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
