i already hear my dad disowning me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
