cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
