It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
