This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
