I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
