I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
