Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
soo... how was my night?
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