we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
