Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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