at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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