i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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