We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize