i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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