I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
