do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
