Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
