so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
