I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
