and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
