Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
