I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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