Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
