You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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