I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize