But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
