What a fucking waste of an outfit
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
