Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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