so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
