Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize