I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
