am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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