I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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