I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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