I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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