i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
