so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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