Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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