Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
