today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
