Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
