I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
