He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
