tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i think i have two assholes
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
