non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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