How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
