I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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