Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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