I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
