God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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