but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
