Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
