I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
