My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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