suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Randomize
