I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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