Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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