jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
