I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize