I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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