Please, let me fuck your mom
splinters make it hard to masturbate
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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