you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
