I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
