Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
