Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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