Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
