6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
