I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
