Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
