u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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