youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
