You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
