hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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