arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
