i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Randomize
