Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
