i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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