hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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