Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
