some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
