Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
