Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
