she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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